5 Common Features of Men’s Mental Health
I spend hours every week witnessing men explore their inner world and their emotional lives. What I hear tells a story about the social script that they are given from a young age. It also speaks to the large role that gender and social roles play in all of our mental health. Of course, even generalizing about the commonalities I see as a therapist for men can reinforce the narrative that all men have these experiences. However, the unique experience of each individual is always more complex than any blog could cover. With that being said, I think discussing some of these experiences can add a little more depth to the cultural stereotype we have of the emotional lives of men. These 5 experiences are brought into the therapy room so often that it’s worth giving them a closer look…
5 Experiences that Affect Men’s Mental Health
1. Blurry Emotions
From an early age, many men receive messages that certain emotions are allowed and certain emotions aren’t allowed. They are told not to cry and to “toughen up.” They are told “real men” don’t get scared. This leads many boys to suppress their emotions to fit the guidelines they’re being given by influential figures in their lives. This behavior is also modeled for them by the men in their lives who were themselves taught to adopt an outwardly stoic demeanor. When emotions become chronically suppressed they start to become difficult to identify and process which has a huge impact on mental health. Sadness, anger, fear, and loneliness all become blurry and blend into a feeling of badness without any action potential to work through those feelings.
2. Many Feelings, Few Words
Existing in a state of blurred emotions makes it hard to communicate what you are feeling to someone else or yourself. It also deprives men of the practice of reading others’ emotions accurately. As we now know through modern research, there are no significant differences between any gender in terms of emotionality. Men have just as many emotions as women. However, because of how society rewards and punishes different emotional expressions in boys and girls, men are more likely to struggle with alexithymia. Which is difficulty putting what they’re feeling into words. This means men can often appear calm in crisis but it can have profound impacts on their ability to connect with others on a deep level. This is particularly true in romantic partnerships.
3. Inner Conflict with Men’s Mental Health
Growing up in an environment where emotionality is shamed or the full range of a boy’s emotional life is not validated gives many men an inner voice that stays with them into adulthood. This inner voice chimes in whenever they experience an emotional response and tells them their feelings are not valid, are not a big deal, or are morally wrong. This inner conflict with men’s mental health creates a gridlock between their cognitive selves and their emotional selves. This can sometimes manifest as indecisiveness and passivity. It also often informs how they approach the emotionality of others, which can be perceived as dismissive by family, friends, and partners.
4. Competition and Validation
I often hear that the easiest and most common way my clients, as a therapist for men, could get positive feedback as a child was through playing sports or competing in some way. Tee-ball, Pee-wee football, and karate are a key feature of many men’s childhoods. Boys are encouraged to work hard to be the best and to be winners. Playing sports gives children a tremendous amount of positive benefits in terms of learning discipline, coordination, physical fitness, etc. However, the emphasis on competition can also have negative impacts on men’s mental health and self-esteem. Tying your self-worth to the outcome of a football game or any other competition is a recipe for a self-esteem rollercoaster. It can also lead to a need to perform and strive for validation that lingers into adulthood and affects many areas of life.
5. Love and Care
Because of many of the reasons discussed above men often struggle with emotional intimacy and connection. However, it would be a mistake to interpret this struggle as apathy or a lack of emotional depth. If you don’t believe me, look in the stands of any playoff game or major sporting event. You will see a lot of deeply felt joy, despair, anger, fear, and more. Men can struggle with relational intimacy yet never miss a home game of their favorite sports team or spend hours every week giving care and attention to a meaningful hobby. These are expressions of devotion directed in a way that is socially accepted in our culture’s model of masculinity. I’ve also witnessed how men can learn to bring that same love and care into relationships when there is enough safety and openness for them to do so.
Men’s Mental Health is More than a List
The emotional lives of men as a group can’t be summed up in a few bullet points but these 5 features of men’s mental health make appearances over and over again in my work at ATD Therapy. I see how social scripts and stories about who they should be can have huge impacts on how someone sees themselves regardless of gender. And I see men daring to question the narrow lines they were told to exist in and to get in touch with parts of themselves they had lost contact with long ago.
Get Support Tailored to Men’s Mental Health with a Therapist in NYC
Understanding the nuances of men's mental health is crucial for fostering emotional well-being and growth. At ATD Therapy in New York, we specialize in providing support tailored to men's unique emotional experiences. If you're ready to explore your inner world and navigate the complexities of men's mental health, take the first step today:
Contact us to schedule a consultation and explore how therapy can support your journey.
Begin sessions with our experienced therapists who understand the challenges specific to men's mental health.
Start prioritizing your emotional well-being and discover new ways to thrive.
Other Therapy Services Offered at ATD Therapy in New York
The dedicated and caring therapists at our New York-based therapy practice offer a variety of services. Some of our counseling services include couples therapy, relationship and dating counseling, and postpartum depression treatment. As well as anxiety therapy, depression counseling, therapy for life transitions, and self-esteem therapy.
