4 Ways to Support a Friend With an Eating Disorder
4 Ways to Support a Friend With an Eating Disorder
Do you or someone you love need support with disordered eating, recovery from an eating/exercise disorder, or just have general body image issues? Not sure how to help? Here are 5 tips from a licensed therapist to help you help them!
Hi I’m Lauren Larkin, a Licensed Therapist and private practice owner in NYC and a person who has recovered from an eating disorder. Having experience both as a client and a therapist, I have insight into how you may be able to speak about eating disorders topics with friends and family members that will hopefully leave you feeling more confident/competent and leave them feeling more supported. Keep in mind that all conversations and relationships are nuanced and these are general guidelines, and above all— be gentle and compassionate with yourself and your friend.
Approach the Conversation with Non-Judgment and Curiosity.
I’ve previously created two videos on Tik Tok that provide guidance for how to first approach a conversation about mental health with friends and family. One is eating disorder specific, and the second is how to share with a friend that they might need therapy.
The emphasis in both of these approaches is to ask questions and share your observations from a place of love and concern, not from a place of judgment or blame.
Opening the conversation with questions of curiosity and seeking understanding of how the other person is feeling may also help them open up more than shut down with shame.
Find your Empathy by Connecting to their Emotions not their Experience
You do not have to have an experience that is the same as your friend to be able to relate to them and exercise empathy when it comes to their eating disorder struggle. Connect to the feelings they are having instead to find true empathy rather than sympathy or pity. For example, in step 1 they may have opened up to you and shared that they are struggling with feeling sadness, disgust or a general sense of being “out of control.” Are there times in your life where you have felt out of control, even if it has nothing to do with food or body image? Utilize your own experience of suffering to connect deeper with your friend/family member and they will feel your authentic sharing of their emotion.
Empathy creates and fosters connection, while sympathy creates disconnection, so even if you can’t say “I totally understand your experience” you can say “I understand what it feels like to feel that way” and genuinely mean it, bringing you closer to that person and helping you both feel less alone
Help Connect them to Resources
Individual Therapy
One of my biggest recommendations for sustained, ongoing recovery is to work with an Eating Disorder-Informed Therapist in a longer-term capacity. Having accountability and making the time and space to check in with a professional is an ongoing commitment to recovery. Additionally, nutritional support from a Registered Dietitian is highly recommended.
Doing some research and sharing trusted providers with your friends/family can be a way you support them without trying to take on the “pseudo-therapist” role in their life. My team is accepting new clients now in the states of NY/FL, but utilizing search engines like Psychology Today can be helpful for finding clinicians in all states.
Online Meal Support
You can’t always be with your friends and family every meal to make sure they are eating the right portions for their body. There are many different types of support groups out there from ongoing group therapy to meal support and there are some free resources available through organizations like Project Heal & ANAD.
Check in With Them Throughout the Process, but Make sure YOU have support yourself
First, check in with yourself and your own therapist on what your emotional capacity and emotional boundaries are with this friend and family member. Communicate with them what you have space and capacity to take on, and ask them how you can support one another best. They may want to talk about their recovery process and how it is going for them, or they may not, but it always helps to know that you are a safe space for them to vent or share if that is in your wheelhouse. If it is not something you can take on right now, figure out ways you can show your support to your friend/family member while still supporting yourself and your needs.
If supporting a friend through this time is extremely uncomfortable for you, it may be helpful to speak to the discomfort/avoidance/hesitation you may have in bringing up the eating disorder recovery process so that the friend doesn’t feel that you are avoiding them and the topic altogether.
I’m Lauren Larkin, Licensed Therapist and Group Practice Owner in NYC. If you’re in New York and interested in therapy, contact us here. I love making people laugh, sharing tips about therapy, and sharing my life as a therapist on TikTok and Instagram (@leltherapy). Don’t hesitate to reach out or follow along!
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