Empowering Your Life: Setting and Honoring Healthy Boundaries
Empowering Your Life: Setting and Honoring Healthy Boundaries
We often hear about the importance of setting boundaries, but how can we actually implement them? Do you ever find yourself feeling like someone has overstepped or pushed you over the line? Do you notice a pattern of feeling overstretched or drained by people in your life? Maybe you’ve found difficulty in setting boundaries because you’re worried it will offend someone, or you’re worried about letting someone down. If any of this resonates with you, keep reading. Setting boundaries is necessary for fostering your own well-being and maintaining healthy relationships with the people in your life. Whether it’s with romantic partners, friends, family members, or colleagues, we’ll explore the importance of boundaries and how to actually implement them.
Setting boundaries is really about communication. This is important to remember, especially for people pleasers that are worried about letting someone down by implementing their boundaries. When setting boundaries, be firm, but respectful. Be assertive, but not aggressive. Be clear and specific to avoid misunderstandings. Use “I” statements to convey your feelings and needs without sounding accusatory.
Here is an example of this: Maybe your friend asks you to do a favor for them after work, but you don’t have the capacity to help him, but feel bad saying no. You say yes anyway because you may feel like a bad friend, selfish, or that you’ll let them down if you say no.
Instead of jumping to “yes, I can help you” when you know you’re going to be too tired, you could say, “I really wish I could. Unfortunately, I really need the time after work to relax and recharge, but if this can wait, maybe I could help you another time!”
Act with care: Act from a place of care for yourself and the other party, even if you’re frustrated. This takes practice, so ask yourself if your boundaries are coming from a place of self-care and respect, or coming from resentment and anger.
Practice being okay with feeling uncomfortable: Setting boundaries can feel scary, especially when you’re a people pleaser. Discomfort will come up, but it is not dangerous. Avoiding the negative emotions will only fuel the cycle of people pleasing and anxiety. With patience and practice, you’ll learn how to care and advocate for yourself through the discomfort.
Practice self-care: Taking care of yourself allows you to be more confident in asserting and maintaining limits. Give yourself grace and remember that asserting boundaries is a skill built over time.
Reevaluate and adjust: It’s okay to adjust your boundaries as needed. Reassess them to see if they still align with needs and circumstances.
Boundaries are essential for maintaining balance in relationships. They are fundamental to our interactions and help to create a sense of order, stability, autonomy and respect. Boundaries can be around anything physical, sexual, emotional, material/financial, or time-related. If you are struggling to implement boundaries, our therapists at ATD are happy to support you. Don’t hesitate to reach out!
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