The Art of Rekindling Romance: How to Reignite the Spark in Your Relationship
The Art of Rekindling Romance: How to Reignite the Spark in Your Relationship
Do you ever find yourself missing the honeymoon phase of your relationship? Have you noticed the fiery passion in your relationship mellowing out and wonder how to get it back? You’re not alone. It is natural for intimacy and passion in romantic relationships to change over time and in this blog, we’ll explore what exactly that means. Researchers found that passion defined as “a state of profound physiological arousal” (Hatfield and Walster, 1978) and “exceptionally strong feelings toward one’s partner” (Baumeister and Bratslavsky, 1999), can emerge quickly at the beginning stages of a relationship, but tend to decline as time passes. However, rekindling the spark in your relationship is possible and incredibly important for maintaining a healthy and fruitful relationship. Whether you have been with your partner for a few years or a few decades, we’ll discuss the routes we can take to revive the passion and keep the romance alive.
Get Vulnerable
Intimacy is defined as “feelings of closeness, connectedness, and bondedness in a close relationship” (Sternberg, 1986). Intimacy can be displayed through self-disclosure, positive attitudes toward your partner, communication of affection, and perceived partner responsiveness. Basically, intimacy breeds a unique closeness that naturally pulls you and your partner closer together. As partners become more acquainted and develop a deep understanding of each other, intimacy accumulates and grows stronger. Unlike passion, which tends to decline over time, intimacy builds during early stages of the relationship and continuously grows as trust and communication is strengthened. Intimacy generates passion, so channel your energy there. It will no doubt help you fall in love all over again.
Feeling bored in your relationship? Take a moment to think about if it’s actually boring, or if it’s stable, predictable, and safe. Reigniting the spark in your relationship requires some reflection on what elements you feel need nourishment in your relationship. Are you looking for that exciting feeling or craving the chase you experienced at the beginning of your relationship? Try being more emotionally vulnerable with your partner than you’ve ever been before. This can feel frightening, especially if you are not typically one to talk about your deepest feelings. Give it a shot - let that be your rush of adrenaline, and watch how it will bring some spark back into your relationship.
Rekindle Sexual Chemistry
Some say that “foreplay starts at the beginning of the day”, and I couldn’t agree more. Strengthening your sexual connection can begin with thoughtful words or actions at the beginning and throughout the day, not just foreplay before sex. An example of this could be a kiss good morning, preparing a cup of coffee for your partner, anything that shows your lover you care about them. Emotional and physical intimacy are so intertwined, so adding on to what we’ve covered about emotional intimacy, let’s focus on how to strengthen your sexual chemistry. During the beginning of a relationship or marriage, the rush of falling in love made it easy for sexual intimacy to come naturally and come in hot. However, this state of sexual attraction is hard to maintain as time goes on, so here are a few tips on how to revive that sexual passion.
Hold hands more often. Touching, hugging, kissing, all releases oxytocin, “the love hormone”, making you feel closer to your partner and reduces stress. Studies show that oxytocin is released during orgasm, so try cultivating doses of that feeling with little, but powerful actions to affirm your love for each other.
Demonstrate affectionate touch. Affectionate touch is not necessarily just foreplay for sex, but a great way to show your love and rekindle passion. A shoulder rub or a back massage are great examples of this.
Make sex a priority. Focusing and prioritizing your sexual intimacy can do wonders for reigniting the spark in your relationship. Set the mood, allow tension to build, and carve out time for your partner.
Spice it up. Try new positions, be emotionally vulnerable during sex, and discover new ways you can experience pleasure in the bedroom. This will bring back some excitement and bring you and your partner closer together.
Schedule Date Nights
There can be a tendency to be less intentional about carving out time for dates after being in a long-term relationship. While you may not notice it, it’s probably contributing to feeling a lack of passion in your relationship. Try maintaining a regular implementation of dates in your schedule, on a weekly basis, bi-weekly, or even monthly - something that shows your partner, “this is our time with no other distractions”. Give yourself and your partner dates to look forward to, something that excites you. Try new restaurants together, experience new activities, do fun things together that aren’t just sitting at home. Put in effort. Regular dates are a great way of showing your partner that even if you’ve been together for a long time, you still want them just as badly as you did when you first started dating.
Friendship is the Key
Research has shown that friendship is the secret to a long-lasting, romantic relationship. In a study with over 400 participants, companionship was found to be just as important as romance in relationships. It turns out, when you are each other’s best friend, self-esteem is higher and the relationship is more satisfying, emotionally and sexually. Being friends with each other is a great predictor of the long-term success of a relationship. Cultivate this by fostering positive regard and getting to know every part of who your partner is. Get to know their likes, fears, quirks, hopes, and dreams.
Ways you can strengthen the friendship in your relationship:
Ask questions. “How was your day?” “How was work today?” “How are things going with your family? I know you were feeling upset about the fight with your mother.” It seems simple, but it cultivates invaluable space and opportunity for connection.
Tell stories. Deepening friendship can be done when you learn stories about your partner. It may feel insignificant, but all the little stories are all part of who you are and the person your partner is in love with. You’d be surprised how many stories you have and how interesting your partner would find them. Our brains are wired to be drawn into and motivated by stories. Lean into curiosity!
Reigniting the spark in your relationship can be an opportunity to further deepen your relationship, and there is an active effort you can take to bring back that spark. If you and your partner are finding it challenging to deepen intimacy, couples therapy is a powerful tool that can help strengthen your connection. It is highly beneficial for couples looking for support in making their relationship feel magical again. Don’t hesitate to reach out to our therapists at ATD Couples Therapy. We are here to help you build a strong and satisfying relationship.
Recent Posts
